Transcript: Christian Pastor Daycare Comedy at First Community Church

Thank you. I'm the one who really cares. So one day at a time, no matter what's from my way. I'm not giving up for it, no matter what I ever say. With the Lord at my side, I'm never alone. I'm destined to win. So step by step, I'll take it. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. I'm Miss Gates, Worthington Gates, called me and asked me if I could do her a humongous favor. Why won't you be quiet? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry, oh. Alright, this is it. I've tried everything here, okay? I've given you bottles, I've rocked you, I've sang to you, I've done everything I know to do, and you're still screaming! I don't know what to do for you. I tell you what. I tell you what. I got applesauce. Everybody loves applesauce. Applesauce is nature's nectar. It's the greatest, okay? It builds strong bones. And I actually have no clue what I'm talking about here. But please, let's do something and get this crying over with. Okay? We're going to eat some applesauce, okay? Applesauce, it's good for you. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Num Nums! Okay? Num Nums! I'm losing my mind here! Look, it's applesauce! It's good for you! It's good! It's good to the last drop! It's coffee I suppose. I don't know. I'm talking insane here! Alright, look. Applesauce! Applesauce! Yummy yummy! Good for the tummy! Tummy! Whatever. Look, please eat this applesauce and shut up! Here, here, eat it. Come on, eat it. Please put this in your mouth. Please put this in your mouth. Come on, come on, please. Please. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You have got to be kidding me. Alright. That's it. You've been screaming since I've... Since Miss Worthington dates. What the house? Now, if something's got to be done, I'm calling reinforcements. You're in for it now. I'm calling Miss Jones. Come on, Miss Jones, answer the phone. This kid's driving me crazy. Hello? Hello, Miss Jones. I got a problem here Now what is it What is it Listen This kid has been doing this since Miss Worthington Gates took off. I mean, the moment she got in the car and took down the street, the kid started in and hasn't stopped for a solid two hours. I'm about to lose my mind. I need help. Okay. Have you given him a bottle? Look, look, I've tried it all. I sat in the rocking chair and I rocked the kid. I picked him up. I walked him around. I patted him on the back. I tried to be nice to him. I tried to talk sweet to him. I sang to him. I've done everything. I tried giving him a bottle. He didn't want the bottle. I sat there and tried to give him some applesauce and the kid spit it back in my face. I mean, I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss here. I need help. Please help me. What can I do to shut this kid up? Okay, then there's only one other thing you can do. Have you tried changing his diaper? uh... he needs what? yeah you know the thing that catches everything? uh... well uh... I tell you what, can you come down to the house? oh no no no no no no no no no no no no What do you mean no? Come on, please. You've got to help me here. I've never done this. This is not my job. I've never done this. I've never did any of this. I mean, for my nieces and nephews, nothing. I mean, I'm a bachelor, man. I can't do this stuff. No, no, no, no, no. Look, look, please, please, just, look, look, I'll pay you $50 to come down here and change this kid. I'll walk you through it, but no, no, no, ain't coming over. Ain't going to happen. Oh, that's real helpful. Thanks a lot. All right. What do I got to do? Well, first of all, you got to take the old diaper off. Oh, no. Well, I think we found the winner. Oh. Oh, it stinks. Well, you're the figure now. Okay. What do I do now? What do you mean, what do you do with it? You keep it as a souvenir. What do I do with it? You gotta get rid of it. Okay, okay, um, uh. Okay, I got rid of it. I put it in a plastic container. Yeah, that's stinking. Yeah, sure. Keeping it fresh, huh? Now, you take a little one of those baby wipes and you wipe the baby off with it. Wipe him? You know, this is really disgusting You know that? I mean, why can't babies wipe themselves? Alright, alright Alright, kid Let's do this thing Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay. Okay, I got it. He's wiped. Now what? Well, now that you've done all of that, now you've got to make him smell good. So you're going to take a little... It's a little late for that! Well, now if you wiped him good, that should be gone. Now you're going to put a little bit of baby power on it. Sprinkle some baby power on it. You're going to take it. You're going to take it. Now what? Alright, now you're going to take a new diaper. Okay? You're going to pull the tabs back. You're going to slide it up under him. Okay? Alright. And then you're going to pull the front up in front of him. Okay. Okay, now that you've got it all up in front, you're going to take one tab and pull it over and put it onto the front. and then you're going to take the other one and then you going to take it and slide it and put it on the front Thank you Ms Jones I don know where I would have been without you I was about to lose my mind as it was Hopefully, Ms. Gates will be home soon and I'll be able to get out of here. If I need you, I'll call you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you mean, no? No, no, no, no, no. Nope, this is over, done. done what I'm going to do, have things I got to do. You got your things, I got my things. This is it. Have a nice day. Thanks a lot, Ms. Jones. Well, at least you're quiet now. Troubles come and troubles go all of the time. They come no matter the rain or shine. When troubles come my way I just sing a gospel song Cause I may tremble on the rock but the rock just ain't strong Well I build my house upon the rock and that's where I abide I just stay real close to him and he's right by my side. When the waves seem so high, when the waves just seem so long, don't you know that the light may tremble on the rock, but the rock just stands strong. Well, there are days I feel I don't have a friend And I feel as if I've been friendless to the end But then I realize that I couldn't be more wrong Cause I may tremble on the rock, but the rock just stands strong. Well, I build my house up on the rock, and that's where I abide. I just stay real close to him, and he's right by my side. When the waves seem so high, the waves just seem so long. Don't you know that I've been trebled on the rock, but the rock just stands strong. Well, I build my house upon the rock, and that's where I abide. I just stayed real close to him and he's right by my side. When the waves seem so high, the waves just seem so long, don't you know that? Well, I may tremble on the ride, but the ride stays strong. Well I may tremble on the rock Oh I may tremble on the rock You know I may tremble on the rock Oh I may tremble on the rock But the rock just ain't strong Just ain't strong Rock-a-bye, baby In the treetops When the wind blows The cradle will rock And when the bow breaks The cradle will fall And down will come baby Cradle and all You know whoever wrote that song didn have all the oars in the water apparently I mean think about it Here you are sleeping and I singing to you about you swinging up in a treetop and the bough breaking and the cradle falling and you coming down to the earth. No wonder our youth are so messed up. Oh well, don't worry about it. You'll be alright. You know what? Grandma is home. Thank you, Jesus. And now I can go home too. Come on, little one. Let's get out of here. Yeah, see, who would have ever thought when Miss Gates said a huge favor that it would have meant taking care of a child? I've never done that before in my life. And let's be honest, I hope I never have to do it again. It was just insane. But you know what? The whole theme of this week for me is found in Colossians chapter 3 and verse 23 when it says, And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men. You know, do whatever you do for the glory of God so that God gets the glory. Not so that men get the glory. Not so that man will applaud you and say, wow, what a good job you did. You know, when I think of it, I think of the interesting prophet. The Israelite people, they were going through this thing where they wanted to follow the prophets of Baal. And the prophet, he came and he said, you know what, I want my people to follow God Jehovah. And so the prophet got an interesting idea together. He said, I'll tell you what, let us have a little competition. me and my people against you prophets of Baal and your people we'll have a little competition we'll build a couple of altars we'll set up those altars we'll pray to our gods and the one, the God that answers by fire that's the one we'll serve interestingly enough the prophet knew his God the prophets of Baal and not so much so the prophets of Baal they built their altar and he said go ahead Go ahead. You do your thing first. Go on. And so the prophets of Baal, they began to pray and moan and scream and began to cut themselves like crazy, trying to get their God to answer by fire. But their God, Baal, never answered by fire. Finally, interestingly enough, the prophet, he's having a little fun with them. He begins to joke with them a little bit. He says, hey, maybe your God's asleep. Hey, maybe your God went on vacation. Maybe he's indisposed. He just begins to heckle them like a guy on the front row heckling a comic. And he begins to heckle these prophets of Baal. And after he's had his fun, then he says, Okay, you've had your try. Now it's up to me. Now it's my turn. The prophet turned to his people, the Israeli people, and he said, Go get water. Saturate this altar. They began to saturate the altar with water. So that there was no doubt about it. The prophet prayed a very simple prayer. And God answered by fire. Let's make everything that we do count for God. Because truly, he's the only one that truly matters. Okay? Let's remember that. Well, that's about all the time I got this week for my video blog. But I want to remind you that we love you. But most importantly of all, remember God loves you. This is Pastor Jay saying goodbye. God bless. We'll see you next time right here on the video blog. Have a blessed, blessed week. Bye, everybody. But I'm the one who really cares So a day at a time No matter what's from my way I'm not giving up for it No matter what I ever say With the Lord at my side I'm never alone I'm destined to win So step by step I'll take it one day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time.