Transcript: Caring for a Dying Spouse: Finding Comfort in God's Love and Faithfulness

Well, it means a great deal to me to be here to talk with you, to share with you. You're my friends. You've been my friends for a long, long, long time. And the Lord has done many, many things for us over the years. and I am sharing with you things that Bev and I went through for the last 16 years, but mainly for the last year. She got sick last June and died last September. And so she went through about a six-month period there that was very, very difficult. We were in the hospital five times, and probably would have been in there more except for the COVID. Couldn't get into the hospital. And so I'm trying to share with you as friends things. I have really two purposes. is to speak to you about what God has done to speak about what God has comforted me with in bed. Okay? And that it might be a comfort to you. We're all dealing with things that are similar in these issues as our lives draw to the close or getting close to that. and God has provided things with me and with her that are beautiful, that are very, very meaningful. the other reason that I would want to talk to you about all this is because God has asked us to share with each other about his glory about what he is and who he is to each one of us personally and I hope that as you listen to what some of the things God has given to Bev and I particularly in verses and promises and his presence in our life. A lot of that's not shared very often as things draw down to the end. You don't find people sharing about what they felt and what they went through. And God over the last six months has given me many, many, many opportunities to share with people that I didn't know and that I did know about what he's doing and about his glory and his presence and his promises. I'm going to be talking about a lot of verses that mean a lot to me. I don't know if you've got a piece of paper and a pencil, but I don't see very many of you that do. And a Bible. So these verses, some of the verses you all know, but many of the verses, like I, I find that God has actually given me a lot of verses over the last six months or so that I really never paid much attention to. And those verses have become very, very meaningful to me in terms of what's going on. And I'll give you some that God and you should all know, and then I'll give you one that you don't know. And I have these two ideas to bring comfort to you, and also to share what God's glory has meant to us. That was my two focuses in terms of sharing things with you. In comfort, most of you are aware that in Luke 22, 32, and a parallel passage that goes along with that is John 14, 1. In other words, it's the exact same event. And it has to do when Peter tells Christ that he will die for him. And then Christ tells him that's not really something that you think you really understand about yourself. Because it won't be long until you deny me. And that's probably the, I would say, probably the worst event in Peter's life. and how did God go about comforting him what did God say about that in terms of his failure in terms of all of our failures in relationship to our lives with him at times so I'll be sharing things of beauty and also things of failure mainly beauty this week maybe next time failure but for Peter in Luke 22-32 Jesus tells him I prayed for you I prayed for you that your faith would not fail now Peter failed terribly the worst failure of his life and yet his faith did not fail because Jesus prayed that it wouldn't it didn't and if you remember from the things that Jesus did when he came back in his first resurrection coming back to us I mean to them he actually spent time with Peter alone we don't know what he told him and Peter never told us but it changed Peter it brought him back and God comes along in the midst of people's failures and their struggles and their hurts and their brokenness and comforts them. And he asks us in 2 Corinthians 1, verse 3, he asks all of us to share with people the comfort that God has given to us that they might be comforted. and so I hope that that's what will happen here in some way the other one is to bring glory to God and the circumstances that Bev and I went through and there was a verse again this is the verse that I really not made any particular move towards in terms of my whole life I got all sorts of verses you know like the John 14 1 it's where Jesus says don't be afraid let your heart not be troubled Peter you believe in God believe in me in this verse it's talking about the glory and the meaning of God in the midst of difficult circumstances. And this is Psalm 109, verse 26 and 27, and then I skip part of it and go to 30 and 31. So Psalm 109, 26 through 27, and verse 30 and 31. Now I'm going to read this to you and then I'll try to explain a little bit of what it meant to me. help me oh Lord my God save me according to your loving kindness you can't believe how many times I prayed that help me and save me this by the way this saving is not a salvation from sin and a saving of a man and bringing him to the Lord in terms of eternity. It's a saving that has to do with circumstances that are a part of your lives every day. Help me. I need help for today. When I walked with Bev and had to do so many different things when we were going to the hospital five different times, many many incidences occurred to where you just feel like you have no way of taking care of this and yet you're supposed to be taking care of her and you go help me save me according to your loving kindness and then the next thing is what hit me about this verse and let them know that this is your hand. By the way, I'm going to have a hard time getting through all this. And since I had so much trouble this morning, I'm weakened, so I don't have much resolve to stop it. I'm a diabetic, and I have an enormous reaction this morning. and let them know that this is your hand what you have done that this that you did the day for me to help me and save me according to your loving kindness I am letting them know I want you to know that he did it that this thing that I needed help in he stepped in and did it for me today you Lord have done this and that is the declaration that is why I'm trying to say these things to you because I want his glory to be seen and so that it will be a comfort to you but it also will be a promise of his presence in the midst of deep struggle okay if I'm going to make this this is an easy part okay with my mouth I will give thanks abundantly to the Lord and in the midst of many and you are the midst of many and I am giving thanks to him. In the midst of many I will give abundant thanks to God and praise him for he stands at the right hand of the needy to save them. For he stands at the right hand of me who is greatly needy to save him. So it's a beautiful verse about the things that God does for you and for me in the midst of struggle. So those are the two deals, to bring comfort and to bring glory and a promise that God is there in this yoga. the first thing that I really want to look at if you'd open your Bibles is Exodus 33 this is a very famous and well known passage. Exodus 33. Verses 14 and then 18 through 19. But it's just Exodus 33 really beginning in verse 12. This is when Moses comes before God and Israel has sinned greatly and Moses is speaking to him and he says if you do not go with us I'm not going. If you don't move with us even in our failure what's the one going on we need you so that's what he asks he says this to God and then God tells him I'm going to list four different things that God says about himself when he replies to Moses the first thing he says to Moses is verse 14 to Moses' statement if you do not go with us I'm not going and God turns to him and he basically says verse 14 my presence shall go with you and I will give you rest my presence will go with you and I will give you rest out of this concept of God going with Moses and the people of Israel and go back to Abraham and others verse after verse after verse in the Bible comes along and says to you and me I will not forsake you and I will not leave you We, as people of God, have got to believe that. We have a hard time believing that at times. We think he's forsaken us. A lot of times we don't know that he's even there. But he promises, I will not leave you. My presence will go with you. And I will not forsake you. Whatever I am and what I have told you that I am, I am that God's name is I am that I am everything that I am in my presence and who I am I give to you as a person of need to supply to you what you do not have my presence will go with you and all that I am will go with you. My name, tell them I have invoked. Tell them that you can invoke my name upon your life. That's Numbers chapter 6. It was the prayer that God told Aaron to give to the people that were his. Tell them, I have turned my face to them. I bless them and I will bring them peace and grace. Tell them to invoke my name upon their life. And so that's what you find him saying, first of all, that's the first point. And the second point is Moses finally comes to what one of his own personal desires was, is verse 18 then Moses said I pray thee show me thy glory now that's what I wanted to comfort and glory, those are the two main points we're kind of looking at here this morning in terms of what God has given to Bethlehem and this if I was to ask you how would you describe God's glory? What passages would you use in the Bible to get a sense of God's glory? And almost all of us would be able to pick out times where the Shekinah glory of God was actually seen. Like on Mount Sinai. And the glory of God that came often every day to the people of Israel in fire and in cloud. And often came into the actual tabernacle. And they were to come to him. And he actually was there. And they could actually see the glory of God. Not see him, but his glory. And then one of the greatest ones is Revelation chapter 1. And two, where God, Jesus, is described to us in his glory. And then John chapter 1, where John himself says, and we saw him, we saw his glory. It was grace and truth. so a lot of us can see the actual Shekinah glory and the grace and the truth and the person of Jesus Moses says show me your glory this is what God himself says is the essence of my glory this is what he says show me thy glory Moses says in verse 18 and God said to him I myself will make all my goodness pass before you would you ever describe God glory as goodness it's not a word that you would use it's goodness okay now I've looked at that word and most of us could kind of define it but I just want to mention a few things about the word itself the Bible doesn't often describe particularly the Old Testament all the real essence of God okay this is a description of his essence, his goodness, his grace, his truth, his love. Those are his essence. It's perfectness. It's shining out like the Shekinah glory. But that's his essence. But usually what you find God giving to you about himself is what he will do for you. I will do this for you. I am that I am. You ask me what you need in your soul and in the circumstances of your life. You ask me and I will give you myself. I am is a to-be verb, which means it's not complete. You've got to complete it. I will take my essence of who I am my goodness my love and I will complete it in an act an event for you to take care of your need so what I'm going to do in the next part here is to give you four events in the last six months of my wife's life before she went to the land of light and to her Jesus as she would describe it so these are four out of about twenty I had the hardest time putting this thing together I've taught for thirty years you guys and I don't have that much trouble I also taught thirty years and school. So I've had lots of lesson preparations and most of them go pretty quick and easy. I've spent two weeks trying to put this thing together. And I still don't like it. It's you sit there trying to find the pieces to describe what God has done. And it's very hard to do. There are just too many pieces. And so I'm going to give you four, and I probably can't give you four, because it'll probably run out of time. But we have two more weeks. One here and then maybe Ron will be coming. I don't know. And then I'll probably give another one, maybe. Okay, and then we'll see. Let me finish out Exodus. These are things that God said to Moses about himself when he was going to show him his glory. I will let my goodness pass before you. I will proclaim my name to you. When I want to show you my glory, I will show you I am that I am. I will be gracious to you and I will show you compassion those are the four things that God listed when Moses asked him show me your glory and this is what God said this is my glory this is my glory and every one of those is something that's in him that longs to do something for you to give you compassion to give you grace let you see in a physical form his goodness and you can explore the essence of his name I will proclaim it to you that is my glory and that's what I told you I wanted to explore with you comfort to you that I have received from him and his glory that he did it that he did it out of his loving kindness he did it to me a man who was needy okay a man who was needy alright well here are four events in the last five months, six months by the way my wife passed away six months exactly today She died on a Sunday morning, okay, six months ago. September the 9th. No, September the 12th. 16 years ago is when Bev began to collapse. She was a nurse, high-strung woman, a perfect A, A-type, who drove herself into the ground. But she loved the Lord, she loved her family, and she was a godly woman. She had some troubles, couldn't keep herself under control. She most often would work 2 to 3 o'clock in the morning before she'd go to work, make it just right. And people who would come in to teach one of her classes, for some reason, she would hand them the stuff that she would use, and it was just perfect handwriting, and just perfectly put together and fullness and they just they never could believe it she was a person who would cause you to feel inadequate and there was a lot of jealousy because of that from her colleagues she got cancer at 59 that was about 16 years ago and she got breast cancer and we were able I don't want to go through all events on that time because we're talking about the last year of your life but she was God was gracious to us over a hard hard period of time she had both of her breasts removed she lost all her teeth she went through chemo and it had a terrible effect on her life from then on. She didn't die of cancer. But the chemo destroyed her immune system and everything else. And so she was just going downhill and picking up things because she was going downhill. and at 59 I'm diabetic which I've had a terrible this morning I've been a diabetic since I was 40 so I've been a diabetic for a long time 10 years before 10 that's almost 20 years okay before she got cancer when she got cancer her mom and her dad both had cancer. And her dad died of cancer at 90, but he was, he battled cancer for about three different sessions. And her mom had breast cancer, but she didn't die of cancer. Bev didn't die of cancer either. So I looked at her, and as we went through the next 16 years together we had all sorts of things that she had to look at. Everything was falling apart but her major organs her heart and all different major organs all seemed to be fine but the rest of her was falling apart. Knees, joints, everything. She couldn't walk and the first prayer that really took a hold of me in terms of her was her hunger for me to be there while she was alive. You understand that? She wanted me to be there until she left. She was a strong girl but she was not strong. as she got down and down and down and down. And more and more and more I was narrowed down to taking care of her until I was taking care of her in the last six years 24 Couldn come to church I couldn be gone over 15 minutes And so, my first prayer of real consequence about our relationship was, God, let me. be there for her until she went. And I'm diabetic. Most diabetics don't make it until 80 or 85. Right in there. They don't go past that very often. And I thought, well, she's going downhill, but she's not going to die with these things, like knees that she can't walk on, teeth that are gone. immunological system that's just not very sharp she's going to die I can't make it tonight I mean even when I was thinking about this and praying about that that was in my mind most ibetics don't make it that far how am I going to take care of her that length of time so my prayer was that he would allow me to take care of it okay and there's a advertisement fruit and vegetable pills what's that called what is it balance of nature man they have advertised if you watch Fox time and time and time again they've got these advertisements there was an advertisement on for a man who was 90 years old his wife was sitting next to him she had dementia you could tell but she was in pretty good shape and he was saying he was taking these pills and he said the reason he was taking these pills because he said I pray every day that I will be here for her before she goes. Tears came into his eyes. I prayed for that man myself. Every time he comes along, I prayed for him as well as other times. God answered that prayer because you answered me. And I know what he means. The day that she died, on a Sunday, I was taking care of her all night long, every hour, I'd get up and give her morphine and an anxiety message. And they told me, hospice told me, I needed to give it to her every hour. So I would get up every hour all the way through the night as well as the day before because they said she's close. And at 8 o'clock, in the morning I gave her a dose and then I was sleeping by her and I went to sleep and by nine I woke up again to give her something and she'd passed gone to be with Jesus and I came around by her bed and I knelt down by her bed with tears in my eyes that's it thank you thank you thank you that you gave me that gift time and time and time again God gave me good gifts of his law things that were done in time. They were events that he gave to me in bed. And that's, I'm trying to tell you, the comfort he gave to me and the glory that he showed. Because I was rejoicing with tears of joy. Because he let me take care of him to the end. I was able to give that to her. And that God gave that to me. So that's the first event that shows his glory. That he did it. And he did it for me, who was a man of deed. Who needed to be saved. I couldn't keep myself alive. The second event was when we were in the hospital. We went to the hospital five different times right in the middle of the COVID thing. Many, many times that we had struggled getting into the hospital. She stayed in an ambulance for six hours before she could get into the hospital. and so I was fighting for her all the time to help try to take care of her and when we first came into the hospital the reason we went there was because she was throwing up she had an irritable bowel syndrome but she had a lot of other things that were wrong with that whole system. And she was throwing up, and we couldn't stop her from throwing up. So about after 10 hours of this, I decided to try to get her to the hospital. And when we got her into the hospital, the hospital was able to stop it, to give the medicine that she needed to stop the throwing up. but through the diagnosis they found out she had septis and septis is a bacteria that's in the blood and it's very very difficult to get rid of and for her the outward symptom was throwing up all the time just one right out of the other but they stopped it and they told us it was septus but they stopped the throw up but they couldn't kill the septus so they did it for four days they gave her antibiotics for four days and then they told us she had to have a whole lot more than that and so I I didn't you can have people come into your house and give you antibiotics but they don't like doing that it's very difficult to get them to do that they do it in a hospital they don't like to do it in the home setting IV that's giving you antibiotics 24 hours a day. And so the lady who's controlling all of the, getting you out of the hospital said, there's a wing over here, it's right on the same floor that you are on, that is actually a specialty hospital. It doesn't have to do with Mercy, it's a hospital it's within their themselves and she says they don't have any room but I'll check and so I prayed, this is another prayer that I prayed Lord open the door that we might be able to get this and within four hours one person left and we were in line to get in because we were on the same floor and so God answered that part but this is the issue that I'm going to talk to you about is the septus itself we went to the specialty hospital in there for three weeks getting antibiotics 24 hours a day to kill the septus it was killed we went home for two weeks she was fine after two weeks she started throwing up again so we went back to the hospital and sure enough it was septus the doctor who was taken care of her actually is the same one that took care of her the first doc and he said you need to get hospice you can't believe most of you can from some places from your life but that was such a blow to me you know you mean this thing that's going to cause her to die is going to cause her to die through throwing up all the time like this and you can stop it here, but now you believe, he said, I think she'll be gone in six months. It's just like a blow. What he was really trying to tell me was, we can't control the septus when it's this bad. And sure enough, we were back a third time with her throwing up within five days. We were there in the specialty hospital for three weeks getting all these drugs to kill it. And it did kill it. We got home, and in two weeks, she was thrown up again. And we had to go back to the hospital. That's when he said, you need to get her on hospice. Well, I didn't go for that. I mean, I've been around this girl who was constantly having trouble. And I thought, surely we can do this. So I spent so many times talking to so many people in the medical profession, including three different hospice groups. What will you do for her to help her not die by throwing up? Where she's exhausted completely and totally, and the septus is not gone. And she's still throwing up. And she's going to die that way. So I said, I've got to find some way to do this. So I prayed to the Lord and over and over. I was constantly looking into all different avenues. There are all sorts of avenues. Like a group of nurses that will come to your house and give you an IV for one night and then leave. But it's just not going to answer the question. and after about two weeks of trying to find different avenues that we might be able to beat this instead of coming to the hospital, they were really telling me, don't come back with her. Take her to hospice because she's going to die. And my mind was, if she's going to die, this is not a way that I want her to die. And at the end of that, I went, I can't get the doctors, I can't get the hospital, I can't get this group coming. And the hospice people don't try to heal her. They just give her narcotics to keep her feeling better. But she's still going to throw up. Not a single hospice can do that. and so I just went to the Lord and I said you need to heal now I'm not very good at asking God to heal somebody if all of you know me from the past I had a real trouble since the time I was 17 believing in God's movement of love to somebody like me. And that he would step in and do this like that. And I said, heal this. There is nobody. I don't want her. I've been taking care of her for 16 years. I don't want her to go like this. Well, we got the antibiotics in her and took her home. Usually we were back in five to two weeks. Five days to two weeks. She did not throw up for a month. And then all of a sudden she just threw up. And we took her back in. And I remember the guy who we talked to and he said, I think she has septus again. and I kind of go I believe in you but you didn't answer that prayer as yes you said no God help us to go through this so it was a moment of faith for me the next day we found out that she had a blocked vow and she didn't have septals so they cleared her out and we took her home and she didn't die of sickness she never had it again so to me that was God's goodness answering a prayer that for me was very very deep I could ask you to pray for work and you were very good for it, but for me going through all of these things for sixteen years and this particular event at the very end was just overwhelming. Okay. Event number three. Bev had trouble with bad dreams. She was taking a lot of narcotics a lot of different drugs I mean three times a day I give her a handful of drugs you know And every time I went to the doctor there were more of them And I not sure that that probably caused a lot of the nightmares And her nightmares were so real, okay, that where I would try to wake her up, and she would incorporate me into her nightdream, I mean her nightmare. and it would make it even worse because I was trying to wake her up shaking her and everything else and she would think I was trying to beat her or something and so we talked about that and as she looked at death she wondered and was afraid of going in to that slave going into that darkness having nightmares and the Lord gave us together the verse that she and I repeated over and over and talked about it over and over and over again and that was out of Psalm 23 okay about verse 4 and all of us can repeat Psalm 20 not 24 23 sorry all of us can say Psalm 23 that's no place in the Bible by the secular world as well as the Christian world and it's yea though I walk through the valley and the shadow of death. I will fear no evil. So it's a statement, it's a promise that as you draw a mirror to death and go into death, we have a promise from God that you don't have to worry about evil. then it tells you why. Yea, though I go through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. For thou art with me. That's the same concept that goes back to what we first looked at in Exodus, when God says, I'm going to show you my glory, my good. my compassion and I will always be with you and I will never leave you nor will I ever forsake you even in the valley of the shadow of death thus you do not have to fear I will probably tell you another incident later Bev almost died when she went for her cancer treatment when she was in her 40s 59 excuse me and while I was there with my dad and everybody else she had a reaction to a drug that almost killed her and they did everything cold blue people had done everything they told my dad and I was standing right next to him we can't do anymore for her. She has to come out of her own or she's gone. I remember going back and sitting with my dad and in my mind I thought, you know, I sometime will go into this. And my dad was a major figure in my life and in every one of your lives you've got major figures, your husband or wife. they don't go with you into the valley of the shadow of death nobody goes with you you go there alone except except for I will be with you it's a huge promise for I will be with you in the valley of the shadow of death you don't need to fear it it's a huge promise of the presence of God and then it says for my rod and my staff we don't have time to go all through the whole thing but my rod and my staff which is a part of me and my protection of you they comfort you they will comfort you during that time no fear but comfort so we repeated this many many many many times because of our fear and it's a promise from God about his presence and his goodness to us and I continue to repeat that whole song a little bit farther in that verse it says surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life you may think that it isn't good what's going on but God has said it is good and I will make it good it may not be right in front of you and right alongside of you as though you look like it's not good but God says goodness will follow you all things work together for good I have plans for you to give you good not evil over and over and over it's his action as he relates to you and me it's good, it's grace and it's compassion I will be there and so that's what you find that he gave to us as we're going so I'm sharing you the promises that he gave to me and us and the last one and I barely have time to get to this I may should not do it but I'll do it anyway when we were 40 years old and I'll mention this real quick we'll pick it up next week or the week after when we were 40 years old our marriage was a good marriage but it wasn't a great marriage and there were things that drove both of us to that conclusion and caused us to want more from God and we prayed and I'll go through all that with you to get more and show us and create in us something that we after 18 years of marriage could not create any better and so we went to God together to pray for greater love together all these events that have occurred and all these promises and all the presence of God caused us to find an enormous love between Beth and I that was created by God for us and for his glory. I will not be able to do this very well but I will try. Okay my wife when she got home from the hospital they hit she was now dealing with pneumonia and the The antibiotics were pushing it down. And she came home and it was almost the best that she had looked and felt and talked in two years. Much less five months. And even her doctor thought that she miraculously was healed or something. It's the very same guy that told me to get hospice. and anyway he was shook up when he saw her and said my gosh you look great and we took her on Thursday that next Friday I had brought in hospice to see if she needed hospice and they said she did not need hospice she went to sleep on Saturday afternoon never woke up again period She never woke up again for a full week. We took care of her for a full week, but she never opened her eyes. She never said anything. She barely moved, and then she passed the law. But during that time, while I was taking care of her, Becky and I both had heard that the last thing that really goes is your hearing, so that you can actually hear people and music and whatever. And we tried to do that. So every time I came in to take care of her, which is an enormous amount of times, I would get up close to her and say I love you and as she came around about Wednesday she died on a Sunday I said I love you God gave me perhaps the greatest gift that I think I've ever received the greatest goodness from his hand she didn't open her eyes she just said I love you she never said a word during that whole week never gained open her eyes but God said through her I love you it's like the culmination since we were 59 when we prayed in 40 when we prayed for these things it was like out of all that last thing he gave to me out of darkness I love you now to you you know that said I was saying it all all week long all day long but for him To bring that out of that darkness was enormous good to me. It was an event. It wasn't just a feeling. It actually was something that occurred in the warp and the wound of my life. Given to me by God at a particular precious moment. so I'm sharing with you hopefully comfort to you as to what God will give because he gave this to me and he said tell them I have done it give them the comfort I gave to you tell them that he is alive and that he wants that close that his promises and his presence were there. And that it would be a glory to him. Glory to his name. And all it is. Okay. Next week we'll continue on some of these things. And then I'll probably be washed up. Because if I have to spend as much time as I did on this one, I don't know if I can do that. You all would pray for him that Satan will not attack him. Because this will happen with him, what happened this morning. Because God, Satan does not want this to come up with you all. So pray for him. Protection from you. But it was a privilege to share it with you. You are my friends. And you guys love the world. And I just want to encourage you. Like I told Ron, most people don't talk about these things. They don't share these things at this particular time. Okay. Thank you. And I made it. Recording stopped. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right. All right. We'll see how it came up. We'll make some adjustments next week. I'm wondering how his voice is coming out. Yeah, it's pretty quiet, isn't it? Yeah. So it's hard to know. I recorded it on here also as a backup.